I had no idea that if you aren't a drinker, that you still need to consider the damage done by parent(s) who were alcoholics. Apparently the culture runs deep and self-alienation can start in very early childhood. I have taken to reading about children of alcoholics and the issues that they often suffer from and am also reading about the host of relationship difficulties that can occur later in life because of it. Often adult children of alcoholics open about their traumatic childhoods and bury their feelings, so it is not uncommon that many years later more problems arise. I am hopeful that counseling will help us both and that our marriage will be something that can be saved! I am still in shock but am learning to "take it all a day at a time". My readings have helped me better understand what is happening within him, and we are communicating more about what has been wearing down our marriage.
I am a Roman Catholic convert and so divorce is not even something I ever considered and still don't wish to. Nothing is happening fast, and after forty years, we owe it to ourselves to be very careful about all of this. My husband is working a retirement sort of job and I am already retired and much legal work has already been done in preparation to try to hand down to our children what has been hard earned as well as handed down to us.
Both of our children have Chronic Lyme Disease, having gotten it from me in utero and we are wanting to be sure that none of this will affect what we were planning to leave to our children. I recently read that 75% of women who are chronically ill in their retirement years will be divorced by their husbands, though the reverse is not true. These statistics, I heard are even higher if Lyme Disease is involved! These stunning facts have made it such that I am more adamant than ever that their inheritance not be disturbed by any marital issues, as similar problems may happen to them as well. Marriage is stressful enough without having serious medical issues in the middle of everything. Lyme disease seems to be a disease that keeps on giving. My husband and I have faced on-going serious medical issues through our years together. It is a disease that is now unrecognized by the usual medical community, making all treatment uncovered by insurance, adding yet more stress to our family! As the corona virus threatens us, we feel more prepared than ever to face the challenges ahead. I have largely been housebound for about eleven years, though I am truly missing the few places that are part of my routine care now, like our local pool and swimming!
I remind myself that my husband's therapy is just beginning, and am guardedly optimistic that healing will come. Taking everything a day at a time is what is needed now so once again sewing, exercising, reading and praying along with seeking some psych support to change what needs to be changed will be the steps I take to support my husband and our marriage through this difficult time. He has now returned to his much loved seasonal job and my intentions are to not allow myself to feel victimized. I will be OK and will work hard to replace my fears with more faith. I realize that this doesn't mean that all will happen as I wish, but I will grow to meet whatever challenges this presents.
The ice on our nearby Lake Bomoseen is thawing and spring is right around the corner, which helps as it is a hopeful time of year! These pictures taken by my husband remind me how fast the seasons are changing, as these were taken pretty recently and the ground here is now bare, and the ice has mostly turned to water! All of my readers take courage as we all face the immediate threat of the corona virus! This time will pass quickly! Keep your "distance" and stay healthy!!
